Elephant in the Room

Yesterday I attempted my first unsupervised studio shoot and it confirmed my worst fears. To say that I am intimidated by studio is putting it mildly. I have always favoured location shooting but know that I must conquer studio if I want to achieve my ultimate goal of editorial and still life. To date, we have had the expertise of our lecturer to light our images, but I have always suspected that I was not picking up as much as my fellow students. At 42 I am twice the age of the majority of my peers, but it hasn't been something that has worried me unduly. To be honest, having a greater wealth of life experiences to influence and draw upon, has been of huge benefit. I was always aware that my age would not give me the luxury of slowly building up a career and reputation; that to reach my potential I will have to work much harder. The element that I had overlooked was how much slower I would be at grasping technology. I have used computers, internet, etc. all of my working life and I enjoy learning about and using the new developments in technology. In my youth I used to be scornful of my middle aged colleagues who "didn't like change", couldn't see that progression was to be embraced. The position that I now find myself in, is not that I don't want to understand and utilise, but that I am so much slower. I feel that the others have comprehended and moved on while I am still standing still. The frustration is at times overwhelming. I have never been one to suffer fools and now I feel like a fool myself. I like to work hard, at a consistent pace, but find myself hindered by my own inabilities. I am in constant need of the help of others which slows me down to a snails pace! I love using analogue because of how organic the whole process is, but am I kidding myself? Is the real reason because I am in control, that I know what I am doing. I spent a reasonable amount of money on a digital SLR, which a year later, I still have no real idea how to use all its functions. I look at the manual (which is like War and Peace) and I just do not have the enthusiasm of my younger students. The pressure of constant assignments almost seem too great to take the time to stop  and learn! Perhaps today is just a bad day, but I wanted to include it in my blog as a reminder of the difficulties and challenges I have faced, faced and hopefully overcome!